the jist of SHE…
When I asked for guidance I asked for some hell too, I asked God to create this embodied person for me and never for you, people come and go, sort of like the seasons, some are like winter cold bitter and only there for one reason, some are even like fall, hell fall says it all, they’ll come get what they expected and fall beside the waistside, some are like summer, hot as hell and only last for a short period of time, but fuck it, when my loyalty was pledged to one heart and that heart dissipated and left me high and dry, I made the mistake of trying to rekindle that love, I’ve known her since her birth and taught her all I knew but shit it’s like she’s a mama’s baby now, and the shit I taught would never be true, drinking has become a frequent past time of mine, I speak better and even think better, the words that I slur come out as poetry before me, and people around me don’t even understand it yet, when I place this background above their heads, then they’ll say I remember her, and damn I should have listened, because she was right, God follows through our fuck ups so that you know when he calls, you can see the light, my mother claims I got high frequently, NOT, but in the seventh grade I did, now that I’m twenty I get high when shit gets beneath me, the economy is harsh I’m looking for a job, and no ones hiring, yes I’m applying myself yes I’m going to interviews to the best of my ability, no. still, they aren’t hiring and the only way I’ll seen green is if I’m stripping, or doing the illegal, the day will come, they day I’ve waited for so long, God will grant me that, but then I’ll be on my own, he leaves no one to themselves until he can no longer be of any assistance, but then that’s me, the one with no assistance, but only for a while, I haven’t fought enough demons, but I’ll come through somehow, praying to god is like praying in church, you want, you want and when you don’t get it you hurt, but in due time, he will deliver, something, maybe you don’t want it, but he will deliver, pain shoots through my body like a forty-five caliber, and when it exits I feel like a fort-five caliber, ready to explode once the metal ignites the fire, and damages the body, but shit I’m only me and that’s all I can be, no one has ever told me that Sensational it was never your fault, people, people sometimes do things they know is wrong, and sometimes those people can be the closest to home, like family, but who do you run to when the damage is done internally, God is the only one, but hell he made it happen, why, don’t ask questions, it’s your divine purpose to serve, suck it up, help others and learn all of your words, I’m me, turning into an alcoholic at only twenty, hopefully this behavior won't continue past age twenty-three, I would say I need help, but this one I can control, the devil is red but that demon has no hold, over me that is, fuck him and his kids, the seeds that were planted to cause chaos, and trick people into thinking that doing wrong, and causing pain to others especially children was right and would grant them gratification, I say FUCK YOU in capital letters, I was never a victim, just a person of low standards, shit I’ll live now, because I died in the beginning, if you don’t understand you was never really committed, I’m me, Sensational, supposedly dew of god, I’m here to refresh and rejuvenate, but I’m always the one who fucked up good shit, and forever came late, this is just a jist of me, the only person that has my back, and really understands the true definition of loyalty….to her and not him, to I and not them, but to she.
